Blame it on the Rain

After 41 days, it finally rained in PHX. Too bad that instead of washing my car, it now looks like I am the one needing to clean it... Such is life when you choose to live in a desert. My mom's birthday was last month and I was commenting to her that I didn't have to scrape the sunshine off of my car windows and then here I am this week with a squeegee on the windows to clean the dirt off. Still better than ice and snow anyday, is what I say. Can't you tell by the smile on my face? Actually, I was playing with my camera last week to try and learn some of the features on it I haven't used yet. That smile is pure cheesy and kind of lame, isn't it?

Speaking of lame things, I recently met a really nice guy; we met up a couple of times at some bars in town, talked on the phone and IM'ed each other and then out of the blue, I get this text message telling me I should run away from him; that he is bad news and that I am better off. I just don't understand why people have such low opinions of themselves. I know as gay people we are frequently put down by those around us, told how we are going to hell and even physically attacked by society. I also know that different people deal with trauma and stress in different ways. I just don't understand how people can't have any self respect and a desire to learn, grow and make something better of themselves than others think is possible. Maybe that is something that is just innate in me and their feelings are just as natural a response to them. I don't know. I do know for me, having grown up in a small town, and knowing that small town life was not for me, that I had to teach myself and learn and push myself to bigger and better things or that I would never get anywhere in life. It seems the only other option was to die and I definitely did not want that. The sad thing about it all is this: I sincerely liked him from what I knew of him after just a few weeks and had not yet had a chance to pick apart his flaws...But, I am glad I discovered this 'flaw' now; I just do not have the time or energy to be a mother/father/lover and try to 'change' someone into something they are not (and will never be). I have learned from past relationships that people are who they are and I can't bring home and rescue every lost puppy. Even the strongest monsoonal rains in PHX are not enough to wash away some people's sins and guilts, so what makes me think I am better at it than nature. Until next time...

Everybody Dance

Finally!! My training classes are finished and I can get back to my team and back to my regular schedule. The older you get, the more you want stability and regularity in your life. I am not saying I disapprove of adventure and spur of the moment activities (I am a Gemini after all), it is just nice to get back to more familiar territories every now and then. In celebration of my final days of class (and the fact that one of the biggest gay holidays was this past week), I took myself out for some drinks. I am pleased to say I did it without having a cigarette, but there was a moment or two when the urge was there quite strongly (luckily I had some firm assistance who would not share his smoke). I am quite proud to say I haven't had a cigarette since January 5th of this year now which is the longest I have made it without one since I started smoking in college. I have noticed I tend to drink a little more now that I don't have a cigarette to distract me from my drink, but I only go out for the sole sake of drinking maybe once or twice a month so no one needs to worry that I will trade one addiction for another. Anyway, besides cigarettes, I have never had an addictive personality, whether it be to drugs, sex or anything (maybe I just need the right partner to develop a sex addiction!!). One would think that growing up in a small town, protected from all of the outside world and its evil influences, that I would have grown up to be a little more wild or just plain crazy, but that is not the case. I seem to have all of my senses about me and then some extra ones that keep me in line. We will have to talk about that in more depth later, however. For now, I have other things to do...